so joe came home, and...i thought everything would be fine and dandy. well...of course not. it SUCKS majorly! We're constantly at one anothers throats for whatever reason. for some odd reason, when im around him...i can't seem to say what i want to say to him anymore because he's always getting angry at the tiniest thing. it upsets me because i fell for him...and when i fall, i fall HARD. i sorta also have the attitude, if i want it, i'll get it...and do anything in my power to get it. with all that being said...i had another surprise e-mail on facebook from some girl...who's been apparently stalking my facebook, which i think is totally NOT cool. saying...oh do you know this about joe, and are you the only other girl. ugh MY LIFE! i have enough crap to deal with...other than people getting into my stuff! SHEEESH! Now someone who i talk to quite frequently on here said, she's just a jealous EX girlfriend...yeah but still... I WANT HIM TO MYSELF. He's told me oh i didnt expect you to stay here, blah blah blah... i came here because i thought I was doing something right, which was trying to fix what we had. i love him, but i can't love someone that i can't tell how i feel to, or feel like im constantly on egg shells. i left home to be with joe, or well...that's how it was planned to be... because a lot wasn't going right there. i was getting involved in a lot of funky business, stuff i should know better than doing. but i was hanging out with people who were selling drugs, i was selling my moms medicine, and just stupid stuff i'm smarter than to be doing. i want so badly to go back, but i sacrificed a GREAT job i turned down earlier this week saying i relocated to texas, so i basically blew that. my dad would think i gave up being away from home (once again), i wanted to get away from my parents divorce because i was getting too involved, my mom was becoming extremely dependent of me, and i just would've needed A LOT of help if i stayed in that environment. now mind you, we all know joe's had tendencies to talk to other girls, which i won't lower myself to getting involved in the drama of it. but when i have girls saying "oh, ive been meaning to write you for a while now, i've been keeping track of what you and him say to one another on facebook", i sorta separate myself from it all and just sort of nest. like i dont want to be bothered because i want it all to sink in and do some soul searching myself to see what i need to do to change the situation. whether its me talking to him, yelling at him, or just trying to figure it out on my own. it seems like we can't talk about anything, like i said, without feel like we're stepping on egg shells. i actually can say i sit and look at him and wonder sometimes why i even came because i feel like he doesn't want me anymore. i've been keeping a close eye on the history on the browser to see what he's upto, and he's like on personal dating sites, craigslist personals, and other stupid sites and im right here in front of him. like HELLO! EARTH TO JOE! IM A FEMALE, YOURE A MALE...COME HERE!!!! he says he's not comfortable with himself, (for whatever reason)---he wonders why i like him, so...he says he goes online to boost his self confidence because he can be someone he's not... like i dont know what to tell him when he says that to me other than cut the crap, you've got something real great RIGHT HERE!!!! i'll do anything for him...and he knows i would, and he told me last night, he's sorta abusing the privilege of me being here because he knows i'll do anything... but i'd still do anything for him, and i keep telling him that, but im afraid if i leave i wont ever be able to come back. he says he wants the best for me, but he's pushing me away. he said he has bad dreams of wanting to hurt me. so you know what i said to him...HURT ME! as if i havent been kicked down enough. I came from a wonderful life, had everything i ever wanted, lived in a house where my parents never had a mortgage, and didn't have to work. then, i met joe when my life literally blew to pieces. i thought he was the bestest thing in the world, wanted the same things i did, wanted a great life. but i got the snot kicked out of me when he was deployed and this past summer, the little preppy rich girl was homeless with her mother and 2 dogs, and i fought, and i persevered. i didn't ask joe for help. i could've but i didn't, because i thought i was better than that. he knew me when i bragged about money, and i dont care about that anymore. i want him to want me like he did before he deployed. before his mom died. before all our dreams and great conversations turned to dust right in my hand. if anyone needs the counseling its me!!!!!!!! i just want to work stuff out, but i seem to frustrate him everytime i want to say something. but im scared because i think to myself, am i saying the right thing that wont piss him off? i left a guy who told me to come here down to texas because if i didn't i'd live the rest of my life with "what if's..." and he was right. he's totally fallen for me. he wants me to come home so bad. but here i feel like im hiding from everyone and every bit of my problems, and being with joe...it makes it more comfortable to do so. i mean, listen to this...talk about the nice guy really taking a big step. i talked to him last night and i told him everything i just mentioned, basically how if i go home i'll get stuck in a whole bunch of my old tendencies. all the bs i shouldn't be messing with, etc. he said, just come home, take that job @@ the bank, lets try and see if we work. if we don't, he'd pay for me to come back down to texas. like that is soo sweet. but i wouldn't be able to. i told joe, if i leave, and if we're not us. i won't be able to talk to him again, because me and ex boyfriends DO NOT work as friends. (it's black and white with me), and i will never be able to come back. i have someone at home that hates that im being treated like this, i've yet to tell him about joe on the bootycall, whatever you want to call it sites, and he'll probably tell me im the dumbest person EVER. Ladies, i trust you...more than anything you'd ever imagine...please...help me lead myself in the correct direction. I really don't know what to do... 

dude, theres more fish in the sea....i feel ya though....when my ex was doing his thing and not respecting our marriage, i was afraid to let him go bc of my old tendencies and when i did let go...they did come back, but i worked myself through them. BUT if hes not putting the effort out to work on the relationship...then why should you do everything possible to fix it? its a two-way job...one cannot do all the work and thats what i realized what was happening with my first marriage( i actually like saying that now lmao) but anyways, if hes telling you that he has dreams of him hurting you, then girl...you need to get out...you may say that theres nothing more he can do to beat you lower but believe me there is. i have been there and done that. IMO the whole thing about him wanting to build himself up on them dating sites...its just an excuse...he either respects the boundaries of a relationship...or he wants to play...theres no other way out. because its not working out for you too doesnt necessarily mean that you have to go back home where you have nothing...alot of people think that when 2 people break up,they have to go back home and thats not your only option. IMO if that were me in the situation...i would pack my things and wish him luck or better yet pack HIS things and tell him to hit the door. from past expieriences you will be happier in the long run, once you have the things that are bringing you down gone. it was hard to let my ex go bc i was afraid of being alone, but i couldnt sit there and drink myself to death and be sad for myself and say "oh god..why me" if hes not putting the effort into fixing things...then why should you do all the work. good luck...and you can blinky me if you need someone to talk to.... 

oh..and be straight up with him...dont beat around the bush bc most men are retarded and dont hear it. if you suspect him of seeing another girl on the side..throw that shit on the table. tell him if hes gonna see other women then you are gonna go out with other men. dont make a whore of yourself but make him jealous. put him in your shoes!! tell him when hes on those sites with other women, tell him it makes you feel like crap and give him the choice to either be with you...or be a "single" guy and check around town. theres a fine line there. its ok to bark and pull on the chain a little...but once he breaks that chain...its a whole new story...trust me...you would be better off breaking it off now...then waiting until you HAVE the proof that he was actually cheating on you...its a hard thing to find...believe me. 

oh..and be straight up with him...dont beat around the bush bc most men are retarded and dont hear it. if you suspect him of seeing another girl on the side..throw that shit on the table. Completely agree. 

ok here is my two cents (or 5, 6 or 7) first off- big breach of trust... if you know he is doing stuff he isnt supposed to be doing, how can you trust him when he isnt around you? relationships are based on trust, and if you dont have trust, what do you have? i would also pull as much evidence as you can about the garbage he has been doing, print out the browser history etc... guys tend to lie when you try to expose him... i would also start to become independent... no one says you cant make it down here alone. get a job, show him that you dont have time to waste on someone who treats you like that. do you have any friends down here at all? sometimes just disappearing can do wonders for the relationship... gives him a chance to realize that you arent a guaranteed thing. 

no one says you cant make it down here alone. get a job, show him that you dont have time to waste on someone who treats you like that. exactly...i see this alot in the military...guys expect the women to be completely dependent on them and think they wont leave them bc they know we couldnt survive without them. become Miss Independent girl!!!! screw anyone else who says otherwise!!! 

caity.. are you married to this guy? if not, get out while you can!! you're too smart to stay in a situation like that. You got out of a bad one already when you left home, you can do it again! If you are married, get out too.. but it will be harder because of divorce kind of stuff. As for those girls emailing you; block each one of them. You know enough. You don't need them torturing you while you get your head cleared up. Send them each one last email and tell them to leave you alone. No more information than that. Women like them get off on that shit. They know they're messing with a married (or involved) man..... and they need the excitement of letting the wife (or gf) know. Don't give them any thrills. You're not an amusement park ride. I hate people. I swear! ((((hugs ya))))) 

Famous is right, relationships are based on trust. they are also based on communication...if you can't talk to this guy, if you can't talk to one another about your relationship, that is not a good thing at all. and you sound smart enough to know that already. Honostly, by reading what you wrote, it sounds like you NEED to be on your own for a while. Pick a place, start a job, you will make a few friends through work. Figure out who YOU are, what YOU want out of YOUR life, and ENJOY it! Being in a happy relationship is great. I've gotten to where I think, if you have to move mountains, and do like 50 different things to say, "it will work" then maybe it's not meant to be. It's hard to let go. But I can tell you this: *You only have one life *You deserve to be as happy as you can in it. *You can be happy on your own. *You deserve to be in a relationship where you are APPRECIATED for everything that you are. Sometimes realizing those things is hard, but once you do. It can really change things. I wish you luck in what you decide. You honostly sound like you deserve soooo much better. 

just thought this was interesting http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/12/29/kosik.social.sites.divorce.ready.cnn 

just think of it this way....if you do end up ending the relationship with him....take this chance as a fresh start....set goals for yourself and work to achieve them. you dont need a man in your life to be successful! 

just thought this was interesting http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/12/29/kosik.social.sites.divorce.ready.cnn thats interesting and so very true! my ex went through his AKO account and found his "mistress" so i cant really blame FB...lol.... 

happy new year! going to austin =) yayay! :D && i'll take everything you ladies said into deep consideration. :) thanks soo much. joe and i discussed trying to see if we can make it through a weekend with not talking about the past and totally starting a new. he has until wednesday where i can get myself on a plane back home if i leave. and trust me i all have a plan B :D love y'all 

Caity I tried to call YOU!!! I wanted to see how your doing... Let me know! I am only a call away!