so everyone knows that im divorced and happily remarried. i just got news today my ex's brother died in a car crash sunday morning. we lost his little brother 2 yrs ago in a crash and yesterday he lost his big brother the same way.

i have no beef with my ex's stepmom (her son was the one that died) but since the divorce and everyone moving...i have no contact with them. would it be appropiate for me to send a sympathy card to her and telling her that im here if she needs anything? i knew both her kids that passed and were close to them while me and my ex were married but like i said since the divorce i havent spoken with any of them. i feel horrible for her. she lost her youngest 2 yrs ago and now her oldest. how do you even express sympathy for that?

help please! 

OMG! That's terrible and I know it has to be hard on you too!
I would say it is certainly appropriate get into contact with them! Even though you are no longer related by marriage does not mean you aren't related by life and friendship still...no matter how long it's been since last contact. Caring and love goes deeper and lasts longer than marriages sometimes :)
As for how to express sympathy for what she has lost (yet again)... I have no words, but I'm sure your heart does if you look and write/speak from there. 

I know it has to be hard on you too


see thats the thing. when i found out i was speechless and kinda in shock like shes already lost one and has lost another. as far as being upset im not...just overwhelmed i guess. its been over a yr since i really last spoke with anyone. i guess i just dont have words for it, but the question is if i should say/do something for her. as far as my ex i expressed my sympathy (by saying sorry to hear...bc he was the one who told me this morning) to him bc took mikeys death really hard so i can imagine what it is with jeff but in all honesty its his stepmom who i feel needs it the most. 

i think alot of it might be the whole "ex daughter in law" thing and people may think somethings up which isnt the case at all. i guess the "good part" of me is coming out and im not sure on how to react to it. 

i think you should, whether or not your a part of their lives anymore you were once and you still care about them so i say do it. itll just show her that she has one more person thinking about them and praying 

I agree that it is appropriate for you to contact them. If it were me in that situation I would. Sorry, it's got to be hard on you too, I couldn't even imagine.
Thoughts and prayers to you and the family 

Id say yeah do it. I agree totally what stephensmommy said. No matter if you were in there lives and arnt now you still care. Hugs to you and to the family. 

thanks everyone. i got a really pretty card with a nice saying on it but im still debating on what personal thing i want to say to her. 

I agree with everyone, send it. She will appreciate it and it might even lessen the distance bc I know how close you two were before 

Start with a rough draft on lined paper till you get it the way you want it. I don't think it matters WHAT you say as much as that you say something. Let the card do the talking if you can't figure out what to say.
I don't think it would be rude to talk about the death of the first son either (you know it's on her mind as well) to use as a bonding "common ground"...just don't take the light away from this most recent death...give him his glory too :( 

I would say send it , just because u are not part of the family doesn't mean that you don't have a heart and hopefully the family will understand that ! Good luck with whatever choice u make