So yesterday I get a call from him and he said he wants a divorce. I am thinking this is crazy b/c we are a great couple and at the moment have no issues. But it's true he said he doesnt love me anymore and he has been thinking about this for a few weeks now. But the funny thing is he has been telling me how much he loves me and cant wait to come home and see me(he is deployed BTW). Like Really? I never and I do mean never knew he was unhappy he never said it or showed signs of it. I am very upset b/c I love him with all my heart. We have been married for 6yrs and our anniversary of how long we have been together is on tuesday and it will be 7yrs. I know all the things I am entitled to but I believe he has a ARMY WHORE over there and if I offend anyone by that comment then you must be one. He is pushing me to be out of our home on post before he comes back from deployment, why is this? He has someone there. I have never cheated on him or even thought about it I have always been a good wife. I am in school and b/c of this I will have to transfer or start all over I am not sure yet. I just need some advie. I am not trying to fight him for anything. He already agreed I will get FULL CUSTODY and of course thats b/c he doesnt do anything for them anyways. But I want this over with I just dont want him to try and screw me over he is already pissed he will have to pay child support he thought he wouldnt have to pay anything. DUMBASS!! I need advice on what I can do and what rights I have to keep me and my kids safe. I dont have a job b/c he didnt want me to work. As of now he cant file till he gets home so I am moving and will get all of his BAH he will pay my truck note as well as the insurance until I get a job or we are divorced which ever comes first. ADVICE PLEASE I AM SO LOST!! 

File first. You'll have the upper hand. 

The army frowns upon adultery so if he is cheating, he can get in major trouble. 

first of all I am sorry this is happening to you. Ask him if he is willing to talk to the chaplain over there while you talk to the chaplain where you are.

You do not have to give up the house on post unless you want to, it is for the family, not the soldier. HOWEVER, if he tells his chain of command that he wants a divorce he is not required to give you anythign further than the BAH (house) and whatever child support they tell him.

Good luck, if you dont want the divorce then fight for your marriage.

The army frowns upon adultery so if he is cheating, he can get in major trouble.

this only works if you have an eye witness. Emails do not work, pretty much what was told to a friend of mine was unless the other girl said yes Im the mistress or another soldier says they saw them together they will do nothing. 

So sorry your going through this. I think what Megz said is right, see if he will talk with a chaplain over there and you talk to one here. I hope things work out for you. 

Yeah Megz is completely right. I wish you tons of luck. 

I have tried to get him into counseling before when he had cheated so we could both heal from it and he said no. I have been trying to talk to him and trying to get him to work it out but he is determined. 

The army frowns upon adultery so if he is cheating, he can get in major trouble.

this only works if you have an eye witness. Emails do not work, pretty much what was told to a friend of mine was unless the other girl said yes Im the mistress or another soldier says they saw them together they will do nothing


yep...im the friend they speak of...they wont do anything and if your in a unit like i was be careful on what you tell your unit bc they may cover his a$$ and not help you like they say.

like someone said...file first and have everything already written up...get EVERYTHING in writing...just bc he says you can have full custody doesnt mean that he isnt going to change his mind.

as far as the BAH...if u live in housing unless its written in other legal papers that is ALL he is required to "pay" you even though you dont see that money.

if its over its over. i understand being with someone for awhile and then it all of a sudden being over but its life. you cant push someone to change...especially a cheater...they cheat once they are going to do it again and if you forgave him once and gave him a 2nd chance then he sure as hell doesnt need another....


good luck...feel free to message me. this is exactly what happened to me. i was asked for a divorce over yahoo IM and proposed to over a text lol 

FYI, he can file for and get a divorce while he is deployed. If he is the one bringing court action then it will go ahead. If court action is brought against him (as in you filing) then under the SCRA it will have to wait until he returns from deployment or, in some cases, if you could be required to pay for his attorney (which would be determined by the judge presiding over the case).

Also, he isn't required to give you his full BAH. His dependents are entitled to most of it. There are determined amounts (JAG can give you the amount), but it is approximately 3/4 of his BAH. OR he has to provide you government housing (not both). This is all the Army will enforce him to provide you and his children under AR 608-99 unless there is a court order stating otherwise. I wouldn't count on anything more from him until you have some sort of court order stating you are entitled. He may say he will pay this or that, but it doesn't mean he will and I promise you that being over there around others, they will convince him why he shouldn't.

Good luck.

Oh and personally, I wouldn't go after him about the adultery and being in the Army... If he has no income, where will you and your children get financial support? It doesn't matter what proof a person has or doesn't have, it's totally at the discretion of his command if they will pursue it or not. Some will say ok with the emails, others will say they don't care at all and will do nothing because it is a "grandfathered regulation from the 1940's and times have changed"... Bottom line, if the spouse raises hell, they will usually do something about it. But like I said, I don't recommend doing it at all.


My husband did this same thing while he was deployed. He changed his mind in time. It seemed more like he wanted to mess with my head and when he saw me moving on with my life, he changed his mind. You have to imagine it's hard for the Soldiers over there and the other Soldiers and their own personal problems get to their heads. One has a cheating spouse and they convince the others that they do too. They get paranoid when calls get unanswered or things are exactly how they think they should be. **I don't think they will ever understand that it's not so easy on this side either** They have way too much time on their hands over there... Too much time to think of things that could possibly be going on over here and time to convince themselves (and others) that is what it really is.

My advise in your situation would be to ask him in fairness to you and your children if he would wait until he returns from his deployment to make that final decision. In the meantime, take care of things so that you know that if he does choose the divorce at that time that you will be ok walking away and taking care of yourself and your children. Also, don't do what many wives do and "screw him over". Yeah, that is always a nice thought but in the end, you just may be the one who gets hurt by doing so.

Again, good luck. 

I would not move out of that house stand your ground and make him discuss this with you in person!!! 

Am sorry u are goin thru something lik this. but since he is gone and more than likey doin his thing. And u said he dont do nething for the kids. Just let him knw you will deal with it when he gets home. Until then tell him to leave u be, and tell him to use protection, he dont want to hav more kids that he wont do anything for. I knw that might be crazy. but y do u want more stress but do try and get urself together. get u a good saftey net. but let him think u are ok with what ever he is doin and then go. Just my thought on this cuz its hard and aggravating makes me want to kick him in the balls for bein such a douche bag. 

I agree, really he is being a sissy if he can't discuss this with you in person. I'd say tell him that you are not moving anywhere and to discuss this with you like a man in person. I don't think the Army will let him kick you out of the house so he has no choice. It might be rough at first but if you really want to make it work then I would try to be calm and loving. I know that sounds backwards but sometimes just seeing how much you care makes them change their mind. As for cheating you might have to let it play it's course. If you are a praying person I would pray for his heart to be changed and his desire for another person to diminish. You really need counseling, but I know how that goes! My husband won't go...a few times he said he would but I don't know he just can't seem to bring himself to do it. I'm not in the same situation but sometimes our marriage seems pretty hopeless and I would really like us to go to counseling! Love is not just a feeling and I think we all forget that. That mooshy gooshy stuff isn't always there and I know that for a lot of people...especially men in the sexual arena...that the "rush" of new stuff feels good but HELLO! all relationships go the same way! There is the rush and then there is the boring everyday crap so if he is going to leave you for someone else then he is going to have the same feelings in a years time! Men can be so retarded! lol 

Thanks everyone for the advice. I had to change my name I accidently shut my page down.lol He is a dousch and he will regret this. I wont beg him or even try to stick it out. We have had our issues and I feel I have tried for 7yrs to make this marriage work and he has done nothing. I am going to go ahead and move and thats b/c I dont wanna be here when he brings his whore home. I want this to be smooth and easy for my guys and this will be the best way. I just cant wait for this to be over with. Me and my kids deserve better than this. And the way I see it as far as the wanting someone else. I am a monogomous person and will always be that way you cant make or even pray for a man to want you or to love you he has to want it as well. I just feel if he wants someone else then let him have it. He will do the same thing to her as he did to me and whats sad is she thinks he is a good person. BUt look how he is treating me and our kids. She is stupid if she thinks he will do right by her. BUt oh well. I will be moving in a month and things will get better over time. I am going to move on and he will see he messed up. Thanks again ladies for all the advice. Also the1 if you ever wanna kick him in the balls let me know I will tell you who he is.lol 

No problem every since i saw that one episode of scrubs and i learned "man check" i love it and wish i had a kid small enuff to pull it off but hell ill do it myself lol 

Don't forget he also gets separation pay for being away from home so grab some of that too. I pray all goes well with you God Bless You 

Well honey don't feel alone, mine informed me today that he has been talking to some white trash skank and wants a divorce. He said he was giving up on our marriage. It must be this deployment. My husband has been acting very strange after about 6 months into it. 

granny--
Jeesh, I hope there's not a bug going around.. I have heard of a lot of people seperating in the last month! Hope he gets his head out of his butt, and is smart enough to stay away from "white trash skank".. good luck! 

Well I don't know what is going on. I went to talk the chaplain and even he told me to find a lawyer. That was very surprising. I am just bewildered because I had no idea. 

I am so sorry ladies. It seems like all I hear about lately are the soldiers leaving their wives during this deployment season. 

Okay so I am mommyof2lilguys and for some reason my account was deleted. SO I have had to make a new account. Since this has all happened things have def changed. A week ago he called and begged me back saying he made a huge mistake and couldnt live without me. I am glad things have worked out b/c I do love him with all of my heart. He has agreed to go to counseling when he gets back and we are going to counseling seperatly before he comes back. I am very sorry granny for you and any other army wife who has to deal with this BS. I have another friend who is going throught the same thing and I know its not easy at all. This is both of our second deployment and it makes me nervous about the third. Thank you ladies for all or your support and helping comments on what I can do. THANKS A MILLION :):)